I want to give you four magic words that will transform your performance the next time you are asked to do something outside of your comfort zone. Yesterday I was driving to a funeral where I had been asked to share a few words. As I reflected on what I was going to say I remembered the first funeral I had ever spoken at. I was in my mid 20′s and at the time I was a young minister in training. I had been asked to conduct a funeral service for a young woman who had been tragically killed in a subway accident.
I remember agonizing for days about what to say, how to say it, and worried myself sick that I would mess it up. I will never forget the day that I arrived at the funeral home. There were people sobbing, and crying. It was a terribly sad occasion. I also remember how insecure and out of my element I felt. Everyone there was looking for me to take charge and I was looking for an exit. I thought about how draining this whole experience was and how I wished they had picked someone besides me to do this.
While I was cowering in a side room having my own pity party, it suddenly hit me. I was not the one having the tough week; these people who just lost their friend, their daughter, their sister; they were the ones having the tough time. My problem was miniscule compared to theirs. And with that simple thought came a mind shift that completely transformed how I performed. I realized that it’s not about me, it’s about them. I had become so self-focused and self conscious that I was not able to effectively do the job I was brought here to do. Once I had this on straight, it completely changed how I thought, how I felt and how I acted. In short, I forgot about me and got focused on them.
I see this same thing happen everywhere I go. I might ask someone to lead a meeting or get up in front of an audience to say a few words and their first reaction is much like me at the funeral home back when I was in my 20’s. People groan, drop their shoulders and say things like, “Can’t you find somebody else?” But what’s really going on is they have been hit with a wave of self-doubt and it’s become all about them; what they’re afraid to lose, what mistakes they’re scared of making, and how stupid they might look if the blow it. And when this is our focus, we never bring our best to the table. Self-focus steals our presence, our happiness, and causes us to play it safe. The result? We don’t get a chance to perform at our best and those around us don’t get a chance to be impacted by what we have to offer.
So the next time you are asked to do something outside of your comfort zone, and you are feeling afraid and wishing someone else could do it, simply repeat these four little words, “It’s not about me.” Doing so will lift your eyes off of yourself, allowing you to see the needs around you. It will also give you the courage to take action and make a difference in the lives of those around you.