Don’t you hate it when you work around someone who always sees the glass as half empty? Nothing can sap your mood like a complainer. And when you try to help them see that the world (or office) is not as bad as they think, it only leads to more complaining. So what’s a person supposed to do?
Believe it or not one of the best ways to stop a complainer from complaining is to validate them. This involves finding some kernel of truth in what they are saying and empathizing with them about it. This is counter intuitive because our natural fear is that if we agree with them, the floodgates for more complaining are going to open, but in reality the opposite is true.
Many times a complainer is simply trying to voice a frustration. They are not looking for the bright side, but rather to be listened to and understood. Once they feel like you understand what they’re frustrated about their complaining begins to die out.
So the next time you work around, (or live with) someone who is on a complaint spree, avoid trying to shift their thinking to the positive. Simply listen and try to acknowledge the frustration they must be feeling.
I hope today finds you living and leading with excellence and passion. I want to give you three big things that will only take you three minutes to execute and will make a difference in the lives of your staff.
Thing #1 Your Enthusiasm is on Display
Regardless of what industry you are in, people want to be part of something larger than themselves. This is one of the reasons why we have things like Mission and Vision statements so together we can be strive to achieve some goal that excites us. But your staff will take their cue from you. If you are not enthusiastic about what you are doing, they will sense it. I know we can all go through our periods of not liking our job but recommitting to enthusiasm is essential. A leader’s enthusiasm is not only contagious, its comforting. It tells your people that they are working toward a worthy goal. So take a moment and check your enthusiasm. How passionate have you been lately about your work and your team? Regardless of the answer, what small thing can you do today to demonstrate your enthusiasm for your organization and your people.
Thing # 2 One of your staff want their efforts to be noticed.
When one of your staff pours their heart and soul into a task or project, there is a part of them that wonders if anybody noticed.Often as leaders we can get so busy that we forget to stop, look around, and recognize those who are working hard among us. This can be especially true of our best employees. It’s easy to take for granted that they are consistently performing well. Take one minute today to identify one of your staff or a peer and let them know you appreciate what they are doing.
Thing # 3 One of your staff members is wondering how they are doing at their job.
All of us love to know where we stand. Many of your staff will have a general sense of how they are doing, but will not be 100% sure. When people receive feedback on their progress or performance it helps reinforce a need for mastery. The feedback you give will either lead to a sense of satisfaction for them if they are on target, or it will bring them greater clarity, allowing them to see where they need to adjust and improve. Either way, the feedback will help them tremendously. Take one minute today and give one of your employees feedback on how they are doing with their job.
Three things, three minutes. Go for it!
Since so much of leadership means being on the top of your game, I want to let you know about an upcoming webinar where I will teach you one of the most powerful tools to help you lead with passion and excellence. Great leadership comes down to the little things and this requires us to have a laser-like focus combined with high energy. In my webinar, Ready to Launch, I teach you how to design a morning ritual that will both energize and focus you to live and lead with excellence. You can find out more details here: Ready to Launch
I want to give you four magic words that will transform your performance the next time you are asked to do something outside of your comfort zone. Yesterday I was driving to a funeral where I had been asked to share a few words. As I reflected on what I was going to say I remembered the first funeral I had ever spoken at. I was in my mid 20′s and at the time I was a young minister in training. I had been asked to conduct a funeral service for a young woman who had been tragically killed in a subway accident.
I remember agonizing for days about what to say, how to say it, and worried myself sick that I would mess it up. I will never forget the day that I arrived at the funeral home. There were people sobbing, and crying. It was a terribly sad occasion. I also remember how insecure and out of my element I felt. Everyone there was looking for me to take charge and I was looking for an exit. I thought about how draining this whole experience was and how I wished they had picked someone besides me to do this.
While I was cowering in a side room having my own pity party, it suddenly hit me. I was not the one having the tough week; these people who just lost their friend, their daughter, their sister; they were the ones having the tough time. My problem was miniscule compared to theirs. And with that simple thought came a mind shift that completely transformed how I performed. I realized that it’s not about me, it’s about them. I had become so self-focused and self conscious that I was not able to effectively do the job I was brought here to do. Once I had this on straight, it completely changed how I thought, how I felt and how I acted. In short, I forgot about me and got focused on them.
I see this same thing happen everywhere I go. I might ask someone to lead a meeting or get up in front of an audience to say a few words and their first reaction is much like me at the funeral home back when I was in my 20’s. People groan, drop their shoulders and say things like, “Can’t you find somebody else?” But what’s really going on is they have been hit with a wave of self-doubt and it’s become all about them; what they’re afraid to lose, what mistakes they’re scared of making, and how stupid they might look if the blow it. And when this is our focus, we never bring our best to the table. Self-focus steals our presence, our happiness, and causes us to play it safe. The result? We don’t get a chance to perform at our best and those around us don’t get a chance to be impacted by what we have to offer.
So the next time you are asked to do something outside of your comfort zone, and you are feeling afraid and wishing someone else could do it, simply repeat these four little words, “It’s not about me.” Doing so will lift your eyes off of yourself, allowing you to see the needs around you. It will also give you the courage to take action and make a difference in the lives of those around you.
Last week the world mourned over the loss of a great leader. It’s very rare that someone’s life touches so many. Nelson Mandela will always be an iconic symbol of grace, forgiveness and inspirational leadership. But for all of his accomplishments, there is one that stands above the rest, at least for me. It was his decision to forgive his enemies who had thrown him in jail.
President Clinton once asked Mandela how he was able to forgive the men who had imprisoned him. Mandela apparently told President Clinton that if he didn’t leave his hate at the jailhouse door, he would never be free. He decided to let it go. To me this was his defining moment.
Can you imagine how his story would have been different had he not forgiven his enemies? He would not have been much different than any other revolutionary who took power, eliminated his enemies, while making more in the process, only to have the entire cycle repeated all over again.
In forgiving his captors, Mandela exemplified the highest level of leadership; he put the needs of others above himself. By not seeking justice, he was able to pursue a much larger goal of healing a nation with a pure motive. This inspired not only a country but also the entire world.
On a more personal note:
More than once in my life I have had people wrong me, and letting go of it is never easy. But several times I have turned my thoughts to Mandela and found inspiration in his example. “If he could forgive his enemies,” I reason,” Then surely I can forgive mine.”
Ever had a boss who wouldn’t stop what they were doing when you went to speak with them? How’d it make you feel? Like an interruption? Probably. The challenge in today’s hectic world, is that it can be all too easy to fall into the same bad habit. If I’m honest, I hate interruptions, especially when I have a ton of work to do or I’m in a creative groove. The temptation is to keep working even while a staff member is trying to talk to me. This split focus however, divides your attention and steals your presence, and presence is what makes an employee feel respected.
One of the biggest drivers of employee engagement is when people feel they are valued at work. People need to be more than a number. One of the best ways you can help your staff feel respected and valued is by giving them your full attention. Your staff know that you’re busy, so it means even more when you can stop what you’re doing and look them straight in the eye.
So this week, practice presence. Whenever one of your staff needs your attention, stop doing whatever you’re doing and give it to them. If you are in the middle of something that is too important to interrupt, simply tell them you can’t give them your full attention right now and ask them to come back later. Being fully present will separate you from the rest of the pack, who are too busy multitasking to notice that they’re only half there.